Reflections In Hindsight

Grace in the Rearview Mirror…it's closer than it appears

  • Ephesians 4:29

    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV)

    **MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED. For permission on reprints or reusing this material, please contact the individual authors. For sharing the actual post, please use the share buttons.

  • Blog Archives

  • Blog Stats

    • 90,684 hits
  • RSS April’s Blog: A Writer’s Journey

    • Evil Parents and Rotten Kids
      A-ZE is for Evil Parents and Rotten KidsI present you Jimmy Kimmel's annual "I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy" video montage. It's an artful mixture of cruelty, humor, and ghastly awe. My favorite is Drawer Boy. Now there's an ax murderer in the making.Which is your favorite?
      noreply@blogger.com (April Gardner)
  • RSS Barn Door Book Loft

    • Book Winners
      Once again, we offer you a warm welcome to the Bookshelf of the Barn Door Book Loft. And before we announce our winners we’d like to offer a special thanks to these Christian authors who offered a sample of their writing to our faithful readers:Janet K. Brown who offered her Women’s Fiction  Worth Her Weight Christine Lindsay who offered her Christian Histor […]
    • A Warm Welcome to Lena Nelson Dooley
      I'm honored to host Lena Nelson Dooley on this blog site today! She's long been one of the authors I've admired. Lena, can you us: is there a story behind your book,  8 Weddings and a Miracle?This collection was put together by the editorial department at Barbour publishing using multi-published, and often award-winning, authors.What kind of b […]
    • 8 Weddings and a Miracle by Lena Nelson Dooley
      Back Cover BlurbSometimes Love Needs a Little Divine InterventionNine modern couples face challenges on their way to the marriage altar, and readers will delight in how God intervenes to get them to the point of "I do." Be it a meeting in the wrong place at the right time, an accident that opens hardened hearts, or weather that seems to blow things […]
  • RSS Clash of the Titles

    • February Releases Clash
      In the winter, we all need a pick-me-up, and often, a good book does just the trick!Clash of the Titles is pleased to present these brand new novels.Which one is calling you? Take a moment to browse, then choose which you're most likely to read first. VOTE BELOW from now until next Wednesday - tell your friends - then come back and see which book is thi […]
    • Featuring Julie Cosgrove's Christian Suspense Series
      From the first clap of thunder to the conclusion of the book,Julie B. Cosgrove holds the reader in the palm of her hand.                                               --Author Victoria Pitt CaineAbout Hush in the Storm:Jen, a young widow floundering in the storm of mourning, whose only lifeline is her humdrum job, is tossed into a maze of deceit and intrigue […]
    • Featured Novel: Baxter Road Miracle by Carlene Havel
      I read [Baxter Road Miracle] in one day, simply because I really didn't want to stop until I got to the end. Bet you will as well. Kudos to Carlene Havel for sharing this story with the world. --Amazon ReviewerBaxter Road Miracleby Carlene HavelAbout the book: Can faith move mountains? The Youngbloods are about to find out. Henry Youngblood is determine […]
  • RSS Little Bits Blog

    • Chloe's Decision 
      As I stated last week, November is NANOWRIMO. I'm working on the next Stones Creek novel. It's the story of Chloe, Noah Preston's sister. She comes to Stones Creek with her two children. If you would like to read her pre-story simply subscribe to Sophie's Special Emails. No more than twice a month will you receive an email with special co […]
    • Remembering Fudgsicles
      It is November and thus NANOWRIMO, National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to begin a novel and write 50,000 words during the month. Since this occupies most of my focus for these four weeks I will be reposting previous articles each week this month. Fudgsicles, how long has it been since I’ve had a fudgsicle? I’m not sure, but they came to mind when […]
    • Are You Teachable?
      What? You think you know everything? I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but no one knows everything. Oh, there is one, Hashem. He's omniscient. But no one else is. Even Yeshua (Jesus) isn't. He doesn't know the hour or day he will come again. Some people rejoice in learning something new. I tend to be one of those people. I read about […]
  • RSS Living Our Faith Out Loud

    • Review of Deborah Piccurelli's Love Comes Calling
      About the BookThe day new Christian, Derek Spencer, shows up on Charlie Parkes’s doorstep to make up for what he’d done, is the very day he falls in love with her. But Charlie’s sister mistakes him for a home improvement contractor, and he decides to play along until he finds a way to tell her who he really is.Charlie is attracted to Derek, but knows the att […]
    • Clear Your Emotional Clutter with Shelley Wilburn and Walking Healed
      Walking HealedA Journey of Forgiveness, Grace, and HopeEbook $2.99Print availableBuy on Amazon, Barnes and NobleShelleyWilburn Living with intimidation, oppression, depression, panic, and anxiety takes a toll on a person. We don’t often know why we are going through the things we are. We can’t explain the feelings we have or why we do the things we do. Many […]
    • ILTWD Have a book to promote and want to reach lots of new readers?
      Your book can be listed FOR FREE in our "Books for the Beach" directory that will be published in early May. The directory will be available at the official I Love To Write Day site at www.ilovetowriteday.org and also sent to readers who have requested a copy via e-mail. The FREE listing includes: Book title, author and Web URL (either your Website […]
  • RSS Nearly Brilliant

    • Book Review: Treasure Me by Christine Nolfi
      Birdie Kaminsky is the daughter of con artists and is herself a petty thief but once you learn how difficult her up bringing is you'll grow a soft spot for her. Having moved from place to place in order to keep one step ahead of the law (partly her fault and partly her parents) all she really  wants is a place to belong and  to fill the void in her life […]
    • Book Review: Georgiana Darcy's Diary: Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice Continued by Anna Elliot and Laura Masselos
      I'm a big Austen fan and I love Pride and Prejudice so my fear was this would be a feeble attempt at sequel. I was pleasantly surprised. Georgiana Darcey, Mr. Darcey's younger sister, is now 18 years old and in love with her co-guardian Colonel Fitzwilliams. Elliot and Masselos do a great job fleshing out some of the peripheral characters from the […]
    • Book Review: Standing Stones by Beth Camp
      This first book in a promising series, takes place in 19th century Scotland in the Orkney islands at the time of the Clearances. It was a time when wealthy landowners were changing their mode of land management and ruthlessly throwing tenants off the land.When Lord McDonald takes over the estate of Westland and its holdings, he's determined to make impr […]
  • BLOG NEWS

    Thank you for your encouragement and support for the past three years. We've had fun connecting with you and hope you've found useful material here on Reflections. And here's the but... Reflections In Hindsight is closing on December 21, 2012. Elaine and Sophie and I can be found over at http://authorculture.blogspot.com; April can be found at Clash of the Titles, http://www.clashofthetitles, http://www.aprilgardner.com and watch for news for more novels from her!; Janet is ever-present on the Internet with her very special words of wisdom and grace at http://www.janetperezeckles.com, and Luther--who knows where he'll show up next, but I'd watch my back if I were you... Book Reviews are always important, so I, Lisa, will continue to offer them through my blog, as well as those promotions for your new books or book launches, or your news.
  • Second Monday: Sophie Dawson

  • Tuesdays – Promotion in Motion

  • Wednesdays: Life of a Writer – April & Positivity – Lisa Lickel

  • Thursdays – Luther’s on board

  • Fridays – Revolutionary Faith, Devotions by Elaine

  • Saturdays – Janet Perez Eckles

  • Sunday – Reflections Book Reviews

  • Blog Authors

  • The Barn Door

  • The Barn Door Book Loft. Free Books! Book Giveaways.

  • John 3:16 Marketing Network widget and many other great free widgets at Widgetbox! Not seeing a widget? (More info)>

Time For an “Atta-Boy”

Posted by Jennifer Slattery on September 17, 2010

This column has blessed my marriage. Not only does it remind to me to keep on keeping on in an active pursuit of marital intimacy; it helps me express my appreciation to my husband. It also is a continual reminder of how powerful words can be. If spoken in love and tenderness, our words are soothing balms to our spouses’ weary hearts, creating a sanctuary of retreat. If spoken casually or flippantly, they have the power to maim and destroy.

Have you ever noticed how readily we cling to the negative, no matter how irrational it is? Things spoken to me during my elementary years have stuck with me through out countless successes and accolades, tearing at the walls of my heart. Think of your own life and those evasive lies you’ve allowed to wiggle their way in. Countless people can tell you again and again how smart, or pretty, or resourceful you are, and yet you’ll cling to that one statement hurled in the heat of the moment to the contrary. Which is why it’s so important to guard our words, because once spoken, they penetrate deep and can never be returned.

I’ve always struggled with my tongue. Mainly because I’m impulsive. Often, I speak the first thing that comes to mind without taking the time to sift my words through my listener’s ears. And yet, those much needed words, like, “Good job,” and “Thank you,” seem to linger on my tongue like rubber cement. The other day after reading one of my articles, my husband told me how much he enjoyed it. (It was largely about him and the effect his behaviors have had on our daughter.) When I asked him why, he said, “It’s good to know that maybe I’m doing something right.” His response surprised me. He does so many awesome things and is such a great family leader. Couldn’t he tell we adored and admired him? And yet, at the same time, I understood the insecurities and fears beneath his response. We all have inner demons, fears of failure, insecurities. We all need to hear an “atta-boy” once in a while. More often than not, actually. I’ve heard that it takes about five positive comments to counter one negative. Now, think of all the negative comments your spouse might hear in a given day, then multiply that by five. Kind of tips the scales a bit, doesn’t it?

Sometimes I forget how fragile the human heart is. Thought processes influence our self-concept and words spoken influence thought processes. According to social scientists Dr. Gangel and Dr. Canine, our self-concept is created, developed, and maintained through communication and interaction with others. (Dr. Gangel, Dr. Canine. 1992) Marriage is a life-time of close, consistent interaction—interaction that has the power to build up or tear down.

Ephesians 4:29 urges us: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only that which is helpful for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen.”

How many words would be left unspoken if I truly lived this verse out? How many wounds avoided? 

 Dr. Gangel, Dr. Canine. Communication and Conflict Management. Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock Publishers; 1992. p. 66

About these ads

One Response to “Time For an “Atta-Boy””

  1. TerryPalmer said

    Ah, the power of affirmation. How much do our children look up to us in wonder and want to be’just like mom’, or really scary, ‘just like dad’. Takes me back, hmmm, this is a tough one, just a moment…ok, better now. My little daughter when she was two, pouring her heart out to God in total faith; things like, if she’ll be able to save the worm that she found on the cement walk, or if the scab on her knee will heal before Sunday. But then she also prayed this; Lord, please, sob, sob, can you make my hair just like my dads!!! Her hair was light and fine – like an angel, mine was, well, what I had left was dark and with full natural curl – drove me nuts as a kid. But – there she was, wanting to be – just like dad. So God answered her prayer. Ask Leann, within two months her hair turned dark brown with amber highlights, with beatuiful natural wave. As she grew older, she let it grow to shoulder length as those dark waves grew into a beautiful frame for her face. Ah, and it started with the faith of a young child. Now her daughter, yup, wants to be’just like mom’. God in His wisdom, gave her shining bright red hair with dark highlights,- with natural wave – just like ol’ pa. Now, a question. Is this the power of affirmation gone too far?

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,247 other followers

%d bloggers like this: