Reflections In Hindsight

Grace in the Rearview Mirror…it's closer than it appears

  • Ephesians 4:29

    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV)

    **MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED. For permission on reprints or reusing this material, please contact the individual authors. For sharing the actual post, please use the share buttons.

  • Blog Archives

  • Blog Stats

    • 92,791 hits
  • RSS April’s Blog: A Writer’s Journey

    • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.
  • RSS Barn Door Book Loft

    • North Carolina Author Susan Rush
      Welcome back to the Book Loft, Susan. Is there a story behind your book Renew-7 Days to a More Positive Outlook? There certainly is. Many hospice patients have shaped my life, and I wanted to share their stories. Believe me, it’s not sad or depressing. Their stories are inspirational. They have taught me to live more freely and lightly while savoring the gif […]
    • Renew-7 Days to a More Positive Outlook by Susan Rush
      Do you crave a gentle contentment that doesn’t shift with the changing tide of life hurt?  Wouldn’t it be great to navigate this tangled journey with peace in spite of suffering? For over twenty years, Susan Rush has walked alongside the dying and grieving. In Renew, she shares stories of her most inspirational patients—heroes who embraced life until their f […]
    • More Book Winners
      Once again, we offer you a warm welcome to the Bookshelf of the Barn Door Book Loft.And before we announce our winners we’d like to offer a special thanks to these Christian authors who offered a sample of their writing to our faithful readers:Cherie Burbach who offered her Non-fiction, Relationships Book  100 Simple Ways to Have More Friends Tina Pinson who […]
  • RSS Clash of the Titles

    • FREE Kindle! To Celebrate Five Years of COTT!
      Happy Birthday, COTT! We're half a decade old!To celebrate FIVE YEARS of Clash of the Titles, we're GIVING AWAY some fun gifts. You can win books by Gail Pallotta and Lisa Lickel, or even a KINDLE FIRE!!Raffle opens right now!Closes Monday, November 30.There are several ways to enter the drawing outlined in the RaffleCopter below. Winners will be d […]
    • And Our Winner is...
      Congratulations toA Noble Masqueradeby Kristi Ann Hunter!Book Blurb:Lady Miranda Hawthorne may long to break free of her ladylike expectations as he approaches spinsterhood, but finding herself intrigued by her brother's new valet is more rebellion than she planned. When she accidentally begins exchanging letters with a long-lost duke, things become eve […]
    • September Releases Clash 2015!
      Welcome back to our arena! We have six authors stepping onto our sands, ready to wield their mighty pens. Please look at each of their covers and descriptions and choose which one looks most appealing to you. Which would go on the top of your to-be-read pile? Be sure to make your choice in the actual survey, as those in the comments section alone won't […]
  • RSS Little Bits Blog

    • So I Failed Nano
      Hi again,It's been a long time again since I posted. Haven't done a ton of writing but I did start a new novel or novelette or series of novelettes at the beginning of the month. November is National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to start a novel and write 50,000 words during the month. November isn't over yet but I know I'm not going […]
    • I'm Baack, I Think
      If you haven't noticed, which I actually hope you have, I haven't blogged for a while. Well, I needed a break. I'd published seven books in three years and I was sort of written out. I simply needed a break. So now I think the break is over. I'm thinking about writing again and have several projects in different stages of writing. They we […]
    • Chloe's Decision 
      As I stated last week, November is NANOWRIMO. I'm working on the next Stones Creek novel. It's the story of Chloe, Noah Preston's sister. She comes to Stones Creek with her two children. If you would like to read her pre-story simply subscribe to Sophie's Special Emails. No more than twice a month will you receive an email with special co […]
  • RSS Living Our Faith Out Loud

    • Anita Estes and her forty day devotional When God Speaks
      When God Speaks--Forty Days and Nights of His Promises by Anita EstesAnita shares:          The inspiration for  When God Speaks grew out of my desire to connect women to the powerful promises of God. Told through my own stories and life experiences, my hope is to show others how God's promises can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.          […]
    • Carol Brown and her newest book for children
      Thank you, Lisa, for hosting me! I always enjoy talking about Sassy Pants and delighting children with another story in the series!Buy Sassypants in paperback format from Amazon, $11.99, or order from your favorite bookstore.ISBN-13: 978-0996495356Can you tell us about your new book? Sassy Pants Learns About Strange Creatures Sassy Pants Learns...about stran […]
    • Book Review - All's Fair in Love and Arson by Sharon McGregor
      All’s Fair in Love and Arson Sharon McGregorPrism Book Groupc. Nov 2015novellainspirational holiday romance.99 ebookISBN 9781943104255Buy on Amazon the publisher: Bella is back at her childhood home. When her mother took a fall in the Nuisance Grounds (garbage dump) and broke her leg, Bella came back to help her and run her shop, I […]
  • RSS Nearly Brilliant

    • The Color of the Season by Julianne MacLean
      NOTE:  Due to a serious need to cut back on my workload, this will be my last official book review on this blog.It doesn’t seem possible that the evening can get any worse for police officer Josh Wallace after he is dumped by the girlfriend he planned to propose to, but it does.  Josh and his partner are shot while chasing a carjacking suspect. While on the […]
    • Book Review: Swept Away (Trouble in texas Book 1) by Mary Connealy
      Ruthy MacNeil is rescued by Luke Stone after she nearly drowns fording a flooded river with a wagon train. Her step family doesn’t survive and she is finally free of their mistreatment. Luke surived the horrific ordeal as a prisoner of war in notorious Anderson prison during the civil war, only to learn that his father has been killed and the family ranch st […]
    • Book Review of Everything She Ever Wanted by Ann Rule
      When Pat Taylor wed Tom Allanson he had no way of knowing it would destroy his life in just a matter of weeksIn fact, Pat destroyed a lot of people’s lives. The attractive Southern belle was spoiled by her mother and she expected to live a lavish lifestyle at any cost. Nobody crosses Pat who was fascinated with Scarlett O’Hara. Pat could pour on the charm, b […]

    Thank you for your encouragement and support for the past three years. We've had fun connecting with you and hope you've found useful material here on Reflections. And here's the but... Reflections In Hindsight is closing on December 21, 2012. Elaine and Sophie and I can be found over at; April can be found at Clash of the Titles, http://www.clashofthetitles, and watch for news for more novels from her!; Janet is ever-present on the Internet with her very special words of wisdom and grace at, and Luther--who knows where he'll show up next, but I'd watch my back if I were you... Book Reviews are always important, so I, Lisa, will continue to offer them through my blog, as well as those promotions for your new books or book launches, or your news.
  • Second Monday: Sophie Dawson

  • Tuesdays – Promotion in Motion

  • Wednesdays: Life of a Writer – April & Positivity – Lisa Lickel

  • Thursdays – Luther’s on board

  • Fridays – Revolutionary Faith, Devotions by Elaine

  • Saturdays – Janet Perez Eckles

  • Sunday – Reflections Book Reviews

  • Blog Authors

  • The Barn Door

  • The Barn Door Book Loft. Free Books! Book Giveaways.

  • John 3:16 Marketing Network widget and many other great free widgets at Widgetbox! Not seeing a widget? (More info)>

Tossing the Garbage-Splattered Glasses

Posted by Jennifer Slattery on June 11, 2010

When I was in high school, my English instructor told us that we all look at the world through our own rose-colored glasses. What he meant was that we all view the world through our own perceptions which are colored, largely, by past experiences. I think that’s why I liked studying Shakespeare so much. There was never a wrong answer or a shortage of themes to “discover”. Although as I scanned the writings for opposing ideas (love vs. hate, civilization vs. nature, etc.) I soon realized how easy it was to twist a text to fit my views. The result: I got an A. A firm, 100 percent A, not because I had done a wonderful job of uncovering the deep recesses of Shakespeare’s mind, but because I could find justification for the themes I presented. Most of the arguments presented in my paper, however, originated with me.

It is amazing how powerful the human mind can be. And how deceptive. Our past experiences, whether positive or negative, color the way we view the world. And when garbage clutters our hearts, it spills over into our vision, giving us what I like to call “garbage-splattered glasses.” For years, I used these nasty old, distorted glasses to view my husband. Colored by false expectations, misinterpretations and misunderstandings, I often jumped to the worst of conclusions before taking the time to check my peripheral vision. When my husband came home from work exhausted after a twelve hour work day and sometimes a two hour commute (Los Angeles traffic. That says it all.) and headed straight for the couch, I took it as a sign of rejection. After all, if he loved me, and our daughter, he’d want to be with us. Apparently the television was more important.

I even held his little acts of love against him. My husband’s “love language” (the way he receives and expresses love) is through gifts and acts of service. Needless to say, I’m never at a shortage for clothes and jewelry. The only problem is my love language is quality time, so his tender expressions of love actually caused me pain. I saw them as robbing me of the time I so desperately needed. I quickly labeled his generosity as materialistic and his acts of service as emotional cop-outs. He was only buying me jewelry to impress the neighbors and was filling his available hours with busy work (taking my car to the car wash, filling it with gas, running errands, etc) so he didn’t have to spend time with me and our daughter. Sound crazy? Understand, it’s hard to see with garbage splattered glasses.

During this time, prayer became my best friend. My lifeline. Whenever my heart would break (largely from my own interpretations and false expectations) God would gently and lovingly draw me to His presence. And when you spend time in God’s presence, it isn’t long before your heart experiences some major spring cleaning. As I poured my heart out to God, He poured His out to me, and clarified my thinking. One day I was listening to a sermon on 1 Corinthians 13. We’ve all heard these verses before. They grace many living room walls, occupy countless sermons and lead to many teeth-gritting attempts, but often our well-intentioned attempts leave us flat on our face.

Don’t act all spiritual on me. You know what I mean. We wake up in the morning, read our daily devotion, scribble verses about being loving and patient on note cards then scatter them through out the house hoping they’ll remind us how to be a loving wife, only to end the day confessing how we’ve failed. And the reason we fail again and again is because our efforts stay at surface level. If our behaviors are ever to change, our thinking must be renewed first. And our hearts must be cleaned. Which is why the sermon I listened to that day had such an effect on me.

The pastor didn’t focus on all the outward behaviors of love (being patient, kind and gentle). He focused on the heart and zeroed in on “love always hopes.” When you hope, you expect the best in the other person. Each time. I had been doing just the opposite. I had been expecting the worst in my husband, and I realized I needed a reality check. And God’s help.

So once again, it began with prayer. Through the sermon, God showed me how faulty my perception was and how quickly I jumped to the wrong conclusion. And yet, the garbage was so thick on my glasses, I didn’t know how to view my world, and my husband, differently. Which was where prayer came in. I began to ask God to change my perception, to help me see my husband through his eyes. And whew, what God revealed floored me, and broke my heart. Suddenly, what I previously had seen as apathy revealed itself as exhaustion and pain. My husband’s heart was breaking just as much as mine. I remember one day walking into the den watching him watch television, seeing him in my new God-given light. For perhaps the first time since we had married two years earlier, I was actually seeing him. His heart. And it was beautiful. So beautiful, it drew me to him.  I nestled by his side and wrapped my arms around him. And the surprised, and deeply emotional, look that filled his eyes shattered through an entire mound of sludge. And opened up a world of intimacy. You see, my husband was no different than I was. All he wanted was to feel loved.

This prayer, that God would help me see my husband’s heart, has been repeated countless times in the fourteen years since. It is funny how easy it is for the splats of garbage to return. And yet, God cleans them off just as easily, if I let Him.

3 Responses to “Tossing the Garbage-Splattered Glasses”

  1. Jodie said

    Oh, Jennifer. What a beautiful post. Thanks for the brutal honesty… It spoke to me. I’ve done the same things so many times, and it breaks my heart to know I’ve hurt my own husband by misunderstanding. Knowing his love language really does make all the difference. I love your prayer to have your perception changed and how God answered. He is really so amazing…

  2. Jen S. said

    Thanks, Jodie. I’m glad you found it encouraging. I agree, God has a way of melting hearts and transforming minds.

  3. Very interesting about 1Cor 13 “love always hopes”. Never heard that perspective before. Gave me a lot to think about. Thanks for sharing.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,244 other followers

%d bloggers like this: