Shannon Taylor Vannatter’s Life as a Preacher’s Wife

Welcome Shannon Taylor Vannatter, author of White Roses, White Doves and White Pearls. I asked Shannon to share with you all today because I’ve always admired her integrity and wisdom. Her gentle nature has a way of drawing you in and her wisdom has a way of making you think. Right now I’m reading White Doves, scheduled to release this spring and I absolutely love it!

In many ways, her life is under the microscope, not only as an inspirational writer, but as a preacher’s wife as well. That’s a lot of pressure! And yet, she handles it beautifully. Today she’s going to share what she’s learned over the years. (The best part of today’s post? Shannon’s giving away a free copy of White Roses! If you leave a comment on today’s post, you’ll automatically be entered in the drawing. Woo-hoo! Don’t you just love free books?)

And here’s Shannon’s story:

I married a man. A wonderful, loving, Godly man. Seventeen years in, he morphed into a preacher on me. Yes, I’ve been in church consistently since the age of twelve. Yes, I accepted Christ at fifteen. Yes, I had that deer in the headlights look when he told me he’d answered the call to preach.

Me? A preacher’s wife? I wasn’t qualified. My thoughts and deeds weren’t holy and pure enough. My actions weren’t selfless enough. I couldn’t play the piano and had no desire to teach a Sunday school class. I didn’t have a pedestal to stand on. I watched soap operas.

I searched the scriptures. There were no verses giving guidelines for a preacher’s wife. I knew that before I searched, but I checked just to make sure. There were guidelines for the preacher, the deacons, even the deacons’ wives, but nothing for the preacher’s wife.

So what did I do? I quit watching soap operas and supported my husband. I baked a horrible cake and had a nice reception after his ordination. The cake was horrible because I use my aunt’s recipe for carrot cake from scratch, which I’d never attempted before. It said to use self-rising flour and I didn’t know all purpose was any different. Let’s just say I don’t cook many things from scratch, another reason I wasn’t a good candidate for a preacher’s wife.

For the last ten years, I’ve fumbled my way through three churches as the pastor’s wife and God’s taught me a few things along the way.

1. Support my pastor.

Even when I think he’s wrong. If I think he is, I tell him about it at home. If he still thinks he’s right, I support him. In my experience, he’s been right even when I didn’t think he was.

2. Keep my mouth shut.

When there are issues going on in the church, I stay out of it. I remain neutral and try to pretend I’m clueless that anything is even going on. When I get really frustrated, I sneak in the bathroom and make faces in the mirror. Really.

3. Do not take sides.

If we have a touchy issue to vote on, I don’t vote. If I did, no matter which way I voted, some would be frustrated and always remember the preacher’s wife voted against them while others would think, at least the pastor’s wife was on our side. I tell my husband—the moderator who only votes in the case of a tie—what I think before the meeting and leave it at that.

4. Do not complain about one church member to another church member.

No matter how great a friend my confidant is. No matter how long I’ve known them. No matter how trustworthy they are. Even if they never tell anyone what I said, I’ve failed myself and them by insulting another brother or sister.

5. Dress modestly.

On this one, I break the rules a bit. I definitely dress modestly, but push the envelope on appropriately. I love to dress up. I love sparkles, spangles, lace, ruffles, rhinestones, and sequins. And yes, I wear all of this to church. I always thought if I had the money and somewhere to go, I’d dress like a modest Dolly Parton.

I shop consignment stores, clearance racks, and Goodwill and consistently ask my shopping buddies, “Does this look like a preacher’s wife?” They clear their throat and I buy it anyway. I wear my stunning finds to church because that’s the only place I have to go. On occasion, my husband asks me if I think I’m bright and flashy enough. I’ll admit to being the brightest, flashiest preacher’s wife in our small town. But I’ve got to be me. Which brings me to number five.

6. Be myself.

If I’d started out trying to be something I’m not, trying to act as if I only have holy and pure thoughts and dress down, I’d crack under the pressure. I’m only human and though congregations tend to put the pastor and his family up on a pedestal, we’re just people.

7. Be there.

Every time the doors are open. Even when I’m tired, stressed, or have a horrible headache, I’m there with a smile on my face. Sometimes forced.

8. Love the people.

This part was easy—at first. But after a few people disappointed me, turned on my husband, or left the church over trivial things, I became gun shy. It hurt and made me want to avoid getting close to anyone again. What if they get mad over nothing, leave, or decide they hate my husband? What if we leave? But, I had to shake the fear and love the people, no matter what happened. Whether they stay for a season or for life, I love them as long as they’re part of whatever church family I’m in.

9. Love the pastor.

Most important rule. Don’t know why I saved it for last. The thing my husband needs most from me is love. I listen when he’s down, pray with him when things are good or bad, hug him when he needs it. And even though, he’s my pastor, he’s my husband first. Churches and congregations come and go, but he’s my partner until death do us part. And I plan to have many more happy years down the road.

~                              ~                                  ~

Shannon is a very gifted writer. I highly recommend her debut novel, White Roses:

Pastor Grayson Sterling loves his wife. The problem is, Sara was killed by a hit-and-run driver two years ago. Grayson knows he needs to move on, that the continuing depth of his grief is not healthy for him or his young son. Desperate, he convinces his church to hire Mark Welch as associate pastor to relieve him of some of his load. When Adrea Welch arrives at his church with her brother, Grayson cannot deny his attraction to her.

For years, florist Adrea Welch has been artfully arranging white roses for Sara Sterling. Now those flowers are carried to the cemetery by a faithful, grieving husband. How can Adrea be so attracted to a man still devoted to his dead wife? When secrets from Adrea’s past collide with their budding relationship, both she and Grayson must learn to lean on God’s abiding wisdom.

Wanna win a free copy? (Duh! Silly question, I know.) Leave a comment for Shannon at the end of this article and you’ll automatically be entered in the drawing. And, you can buy a copy now on Amazon. Then visit Shannon’s website to find out more about this heart-warming novel and its author.

Come see what others have to say about White Roses:

White Roses reviewed on the Christian Book Review

And find out about her shoes…yes, shoes, at Romance Writers on the Journey. (See why I love Shannon? She’s such fun!)

Come back Monday and join us as we get to know multi-published author, Laurie Kingery.